You lookin' at me? I'm somewhere else now. It looks a bit like a rice farm. That's probably because it is! There's a signpost which saysjust up the road. It took about 11 hours to get here, so I guess that its about 4 inches east of Bangkok. (On my map at least.) I'm afraid I've beaten John to Thailand, but I wasn't really into hanging around in a 'go go' bar for 2 weeks waiting for him to turn up, so I've decided to try something more 'alternative'.

Yesterday, I got a lift with someone to the border of Laos. There's a sort of flooded river between Thailand and Laos and you can get a boat across. I was kind of keen, but the guy steering the boat said that the last 3 groups of "Farangs" (whites) he'd taken had all been arrested and not heard of for a long time, so I decided to wait until I'd got a really good sun tan before trying. Anyway, if the food is anything to go by, then the rest of the country probably isn't up to much. Yesterday, I had to eat this sort of stew thing. It looked a bit like stewed prunes in syrup. The prunes are a bit different in Thailand. They're a sort of green colour with little bulgy eyes and webbed feet. Makes a change from rice anyway...

Village kids gang up Take me on mate... Two colours river, 'muddy' brown and ever muddier brown I've also got used to being stared at by hordes of little brown kids. I've tried staring back, but that only makes them laugh even more. Probably got something to do with the crap Thai haircut I had yesterday. I've already got the suntan (or is it the brown water I shower in?,) so if I get drunk, slip and smack my nose flat on the door knob, I'll be able to come here next time without a visa. The haircut was gross enough, then the hairdresser tried to shave my ear off and when that didn't work, he ripped me off on the price! I hope that I get a shop one day. I'm going to rip off every Thai that comes in. Back to the hordes of little brown kids, I've started giving them English lessons. They're quite intelligent. On the first morning we made really good progress and I managed to get up to "knob off you pesky little brats" and "if you don't scarper p.d.q., I'll give you a real flat nose" before we broke up for lunch.

Time passes: Two days ago, I had a really bad experience. It still makes me cringe a lot when I think about it. It was something that I'd not like to have to go through again, something best forgotten. I was staying in a town called Ubon Ratchatani after leaving the rice farm. I hadn't seen anybody 'white' for days, gets pretty wearing after a while, all the gauping and giggling when people pass you in the street. Anyway, returning to my hotel which was situated in a rather dodgy part of town, I was fairly sure that I was being followed, so I was doing my best to hurry back. I was glad when I was eventually able to close the door of my hotel room behind me. Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned the bedroom light on. There it was, staring me straight in the face. It must of been the most terrifying moment of my life. The 'thing' was grotesque, big and hairy with a large white nose. It took a full 5 minutes before I was able to turn away from the mirror and reach for a clean pair of underpants...

Map showing location of Bahn Nong Waeng